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Saturday, April 2nd, 2005

Time:8:49 am.
Mood: confused.
In the book The Power of Now the author speaks of a 'female pain body' that comes from years of mistreatment of women. Females are especially likely to tap into this pain body durning their menstural period, but sometimes they just feel it.

Everyonce in a while I feel this intence 'upset' in my abdomen areal. It's nothing physical, it's emotional. It's like a giant mixture of pain, fear, anticipation, worry, and... excitement. I wonder if this is the pain body.
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Wednesday, February 2nd, 2005

Subject:Haha, I had to post it.
Time:9:46 pm.
Mood: amused.
Earth girl
You are a true nature girl!

Which Ultimate Beautiful Woman are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
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Subject:The Child
Time:9:07 pm.
Okay. So when my Uncle Kelly moved here from Boise, we got to talking and realize that we have a lot of the same beliefs and views on life. While discussing philosophy the conversation ended up with us sharing experiences with each other. Kelly was telling me about what he believes to be a spirit, a small boy, that has followed him. Every time he moves, within a month or so, he will see the child again, always out of the corner of his eye and always only for a split second. He also mentioned a cat that he has never really seen, but that would jump up on his bed and curl up with next to his legs. He would reach for the cat, thinking that it was his pet Erwin, but nothing would be there.

The first time Kelly told me about the child, a mental picture formed in my mind of a child around 10 years of age, with blond-white hair cut in what I call the bowl cut ( where it looks like someone laid a bowl on top of the childs head like a hat and used the edge of it for their reference line ), with blue eyes. He was always wearing a shirt with a white collar and short sleeves, that was striped red and either a white or a yellow. The red stripe being two to three inches wide and the white/yellow stripe being about a quarter inch. I can't tell if they are jeans, or some kind of kahki but his pants are dark blue, and in an older cut style, classic cut I guess you could call it. And white lace up tenny-runners. Physically, the child is average for his age, and thinner than most of the people in my family ( who tend to be heavy set ). This child is far from gaunt, he looks healthy, but not belonging to this family, which was one of the options my uncle came up with for why the spirit follows him.

Well, tonight Kelly was telling me that he was sitting in his chair when he felt that he had 'become the focus of something' and turned and had seen the child again, this time clearer and for longer than previous times. I was compelled to ask what the child looked like, and when he started to describe the child, I finished the description for him while he nodded enthusiastically.

"What color were the big stripes on his shirt?"
"Right!! And..."

And now in Unison:

"White tenny-runners!"
"White tennis-shoes!"

I myself have never 'seen' the child that I'm aware of. So this makes me wonder if I had picked up on my uncles mental image of the child. However I have always had a clear picture of what the childs face looked like, while my uncle claims that he only saw the boys face clearly yesterday.
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Tuesday, February 1st, 2005

Subject:So Obvious
Time:6:20 am.
It should seem really obvious, but it took me over a year to discover this about myself.

I have evolved an amazing ammount in the past year or so, but always, I knew there was something very basic that I was missing. Well duh, Tarla, why not trying looking IN instead of OUT. I love learning new things and for some reason it never truly occured to me that the absolute best thing to learn about would be MYSELF. So, while I have evolved quite a bit, I haven't even begun.

So, while I still plan on gobbeling up any information I can find, I've also set apart part of my day, every day, to focus on myself.

This could be very interesting.

xoxo ;; tarla
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Wednesday, December 29th, 2004

Time:8:49 pm.
Mood: contemplative.
I belive I've decided that I want to become massuse. Thereputic Massage seems like a great career option for me, and as I get more well known, I can throw in aroma therapy, oils, crystal work, chakra clearing, acupressure, reiki work, etc.

This idea really excites me, I've already started researching it.
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Saturday, December 18th, 2004

Time:7:12 am.
Mood: confused.
There's some sticky gunk on my root chakra. I cant seem to get it off. I've been working with it for hours. ... Actually.... I have that gunk on all my chakras... in my lower chakras the pattern is the same...in my upper chakras it's the same gunk, but there's less of it... but again, its all the same pattern.

I wonder what the hell it is.
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Wednesday, December 15th, 2004

Time:8:59 pm.
It's late, and I'm exhausted, but I need to get this down before I forget it.

My mom is one of those people that always seems to be stressing out, and today we had tons of work piled on top of us with an insane ammount of inturuptions. Mom was looking for a piece of paperwork that had taken her three weeks of asking and nagging to get from our co-worker. She'd just had it and couldn't believe that she lost it already. After searching for about 15 minutes, she started to get really flustured and re-checking areas she'd already looked. After a while, her ranting started to get to me, so I closed my eyes and called on Archangel Michael to help my mother find the piece of paper she was looking for. Twenty seconds later, she triumpantly held it up in the air.

Also, my wisdom teeth are coming in, but I can't currently afford to get them removed. I'm a little worried about this, as I've always had naturally straight and beautiful teeth. I think I have a few more months before I really have to start working on that, but every once in a while, it really begins to HURT. Today, the pain migrated up into my ear. So, I called on Archangel Michael and Raphael to take the pain away. Immidiatly the pain dissapeared. Shortly, however, it returned, but only as a small throb, which was completely barable.

I called my Dad today, it's his birthday. Unfortunatly I woke him up. I'm going to call him tomorrow after work. I'm sure I'll have some things to say then. He and I always have very interesting conversations.
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Tuesday, December 14th, 2004

Subject:Possible breakthrough in positive thinking...?
Time:9:51 pm.
I've been getting frustrated with my efforts to remain in a loving state of mind, but today I believe I had something of a breakthrough. I was rather grouchy this morning, so I hid in the bathroom for about five minutes and had myself a little mini-meditation. I simply did the deep breathing, and visualized myself filled and bathed in pure white and gold light. For the rest of the day I was rather happy. Then I ended up seated next to Matt ( an intensely annoying co-worker ) for about 20 minutes, who was up to his usual arrogance. I was able to have a conversation with him with out getting annoyed or angry. My next step, would be to be able to stop judging him and be able to stay in the frame set that he and I are one in essence, one with God, and hence, Perfect.

I also feel that I should mention that yesterday, we got another letter from the court about Bill( a good man at heart but insanely used to getting his way, who quit because he didn't get his way and filled for unemployment with false reasons for quitting ) saying that he wanted a review because he believed that the courts decision was due to a lack of facts. The letter was packed full of half-truths and out right lies. So my mother was trying to get a hold of the owner of the company we work for, who turned out to be on vacation. We were both rather flustered because this was a critical matter that the owner needed to be aware of. About two hours later, my mother asked where we were going to go for lunch and then listed off about six places she wouldn't mind going. I immidiately picked Skippers. As we arrived at Skippers I found myself staring at a gentleman wearing an orange baseball cap. Lo and behold, it was the owner. So we got to tell him of the issue any way. Angelic intervention? Very possibly.

Note to Self: Get an olive oil based bath soap or lotion of some sort. And veggie-burgers taste pretty good.
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Time:7:01 am.
Mood: contemplative.
I had a dream last night, and I feel like it was important... but I can't remember what it was about. All I can remember is a flash of this... gauzy white/gold fabric. I also seem to remember someone talking to me.

I will remember my dream when the time comes.
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Monday, December 13th, 2004

Time:8:41 am.
Mood: productive.
I've decided to start this journal, seperate from my normal day to day journal for a few reasons. The first, was so that I myself would have something to document my spirital growth, and to help me remain focused. The second was in hopes that someone, anyone, would stumble across this journal and feel a connection with what I express, and maybe help them on their spiritual path.

I am a lightworker. And beyond that, I believe that I am an Incarnated Angel. I choose to come to earth before my incarnation for a purpose, to help heal others and hence, the earth. I have always been very interested in spirituality, but never really found a religion that fit. Something about it always felt 'constricting' or just not right. I have always had the inate feeling that I am here for a purpose, but I could never figure out just what that purpose was. I've always felt that everything and everyone is connected in what I like to call The Dance. The Dance is everything. Every action and reaction. Cause and effect. And I've always known that life is what you make it! There are no coincidences.

Then, spontaniously, my mother bought be a book by the wonderful Doreen Virtue, Ph.D. The book was called Healing with Faeries. As I begane to read the book, I found myself going "THATS RIGHT! That's what I've felt all along, I just couldn't find the words to put it into logical thought!". Along with those realizations came a lot of information that I connected with, that filled the gaps in my spiritual beliefs, and gave me quite a bit to think about. I believe that I was meant to get that book in that point in time, and the elementals and angels made sure that I got it, through my beautiful mother.

When I came to the section in the book about incarnated elementals, Doreen started explaining how some of them look, feel, act, etc. I was highly interested in this section, and came to realize that quite a few of my close friends were incarnated Faeries and other elemental beings. Then she came to the section about incarnated Angels. Sitting in my car, reading as fast as I could before I had to go to work, I began to cry. I was an Angel.

Later, a close friend of mine also delving into any spiritual text he could get his hands on, suggest that we try a past life exorsize together. We sat in a dimly lit area, removed anything covering our faces ( glasses, hats, makeup, etc. ), and sat facing each other. We took deep cleansing breaths, in your nose and out your mouth, and focused on each others auras. We have continously experimented with each others auras, so this was the easy part. After we were attuned, each of us held our hand over half of our faces. We stared at the exposed part of each others faces, allowing ourselves to fall into a trance like state. Shortly, I watched as his face contorted and reformed into a beautiful egyptian girl. I told him what I saw and immideatly his face contorted once more. When it cleared, he was now a black man with a strong jaw and large nose. His eyes held pain and anger. It was then that he dropped his hand and said that he wasn't sure if I'd had any past lives because all he could see with me was blackness. Frowning, he told me to put my hand back up and relax more, and just let him focus on me. After a few minutes, in which I had fallen into a very open and trance like state, he excitedly shook my shoulder exlaiming "I think you were an Angel!". He then described that during our last attempt, he had allowed the blackness to take over my face. Shortly after that, stars had appeared. After another minute, he saw me flying through the stars, illuminated with my own inner light. I was extatic that he had confirmed my beliefs that I was an incarnated angel.

After a few months, I lost my copy of Healing with Faeries ( it ended up in the hands of a friend, as I belive was meant to be ) and wished to buy another copy of it. However, that book was still fresh in my mind, so instead I purchased another book by Doreen Virtue called Angel Medicine. I went home with my mother, promptly forgot entirely about the book, and went home. At a later date, I decided that I was ready to buy another copy of Healing with Faeries and headed to the local Barns & Noble. However they were currently sold out, so instead I bought The Lightworkers Way, again by Doreen Virtue. I was almost finished with the book, when my sister brought me Angel Medicine and mentioned that I had forgotten it that day, and it had somehow ended up in her room. I flipped open the book and read the first few pages of it, and realized that none of this would have made as much of an impact on me if I had not previously read The Lightworkers Way. Again, I believe that the angels were working to make sure that Doreen's teachings had the most impact on me. I am now currently reading Angel Medicine and loving every word.

I plan on reading all the books Doreen has published, and am excitedly waiting to see what she comes out with next. I also would like to get into A Course in Miracles.

If anyone has any suggestions for good reading, classes, etc, please let me know.

Also, the purpose of this journal is to expand my spiritual growth. So please feel free to start a debate in any of my posts. I will happily join in. However, rudeness will not be tolerated, so please be honestly interested, and not condesending.
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Time:6:17 am.
The Lightworkers Prayer

"I choose to stay centered in the awareness of love, God, and my true self. In this center, like the eye of a hurricane, all is tranquil, safe, and peaceful. My power, wisdom, and peace comes from staying in this center, and I ask for spiritual support from God and His angels to keep my mind aligned with truth.

"I willingly detach from the material world, knowing that by so doing, I can effectively help others. I trust God to provide my every need, and I allow His omnipotent wisdom to direct me in all ways.

"I accept a steady diet of love and joy, knowing that I deserve happiness and health. I willingly and lovingly release all ego judgments about myself and other people, knowing that everything I want comes from my decision to experience the oneness of all life.

"I know I am meant to be a healer and a teacher for God, and I now accept my mission fully without delay or reservation. I surrender all behaviors that would block me from hearing my inner voice, and I happily trust my inner guide to lead me along the lightworker's way, where I joyfully serve as an instrument of love. I release any doubts or fears I may have about fulfilling my Divine mission, and I know commit to staying aware of my inner Voice for God. I know that this is the only tool I will ever need for my own healing and the healing of the world.

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LiveJournal for Tarla.

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